DVROs: What to know when you’ve been served (and what to do next)

So, you’ve been served with a Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO)? What do you do next? How do you prepare? Domestic Violence Restraining Orders are one of the most powerful legal tools in the playbook—and yes, it can be misused.

If you’re a man who’s just been served with a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, especially one that seems sudden, exaggerated, or false, you are not alone. This happens more often than people think. Sometimes a Domestic Violence Restraining Order is filed in good faith. But other times, it's used tactically to:

• Get you out of the house;
• Gain leverage in custody disputes; and
• Establish a paper trail before filing for divorce.

Regardless of the reason, you need to take it seriously. This is not the time to act emotionally or try to “clear things up” directly with your accuser. Do not have ANY contact with the accuser as it would violate the Domestic Violence Restraining Order. Talk about digging yourself into a hole. That’s a fast way to do it. It’s the time to lawyer up and protect your future.

1. Understand What a DVRO Can Do

A Domestic Violence Restraining Order can do all of the following:

• Order you to move out of your home even if your name is on the lease or mortgage
• Restrict you from seeing or contacting your children
• Restrict you from having your pet (if they are added onto the Domestic Violence Restraining Order)
• Limit your ability to retrieve your belongings
• Affect your immigration status, gun rights, and employment
• Appear on background checks (even if the accusations are dropped later)
• Order you to pay child and/or spousal support (also known as alimony)

These are civil orders, but they carry criminal consequences if violated.

Even a temporary restraining order (TRO), issued without you present, can change your life overnight. Do not assume you’ll “clear it up” at the hearing without preparation.

2. Do NOT Contact the Petitioner or Anyone Else to Send Messages to Them

It doesn’t matter if the Domestic Violence Restraining Order is full of exaggerations or if you “just want to talk.” If you’ve been served with a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, you are legally prohibited from contacting the petitioner in any form: text, call, email, social media, or through a third party. Do not go yapping to their friends to ask where they are. You can indirectly make contact and you’ll be found to have violated the Domestic Violence Restraining Order.

Even if she reaches out to you first, do not respond. She can violate the Domestic Violence Restraining Order all day long, but you can’t. Do not get set up. Violating the order, even accidentally, can result in arrest and damage your case permanently. Proceed with caution.

3. Preserve Your Rights, Not Your Pride

This isn’t about being right. It’s about protecting your record, your parental rights, and your long-term stability.

That means:

• Hiring an attorney experienced in defending against DVROs
• Gathering evidence: texts, emails, video footage, witness statements, GPS data (YOUR data, do not track your ex)
• Identifying inconsistencies in the timeline or motive for the DVRO
• Preparing a detailed declaration that tells your side calmly and factually

If the DVRO is being used as a pre-divorce tactic, your attorney will build a strategy that addresses both the restraining order and the coming custody or property issues.

4. You Can Fight and Win a False DVRO

Courts take Domestic Violence Restraining Orders seriously, but they also know false allegations happen. In California, the burden is on the person filing the Domestic Violence Restraining Order to prove abuse occurred by a preponderance of the evidence (i.e., more likely than not).

Your job is to discredit the evidence, expose any ulterior motive, and present a clear, lawful narrative.

Many DVROs, especially rushed or strategic ones, fall apart under scrutiny when they lack credible threats, consistent reports, or actual fear.

Some examples of successful strategies are:

• The person filing the DVRO texted you affectionately after the alleged incident
• No police report was ever filed, despite serious claims, but they had been called for other non-serious incidents
• There was clear motive to gain exclusive use of the home or kids
• The person filing has actually been the aggressive and abusive one, which is also known as the “primary aggressor”

When handled properly, truth can come out. It is extremely important that your legal team gets your side of the story out and that the judge gets to know you.

5. Plan for the Fallout, Especially If Kids Are Involved

A DVRO can impact custody orders, even temporarily. That’s why we treat it not just as a defense case, but as a family law emergency, that warrants pushing for:

• Challenging any request for a “move-out” (although clearly someone needs to get out of that house) or “stay-away” order from the children
• Advocate for temporary visitation rights
• Push back against any narrative that positions you as unsafe, especially if there's no credible evidence to the contrary

If the restraining order is dropped or denied, it is important to work to restore your parenting time and formally document that no findings of abuse were made.

6. Reputation Management

If your name has been dragged through the mud, especially publicly or on social media, it is important to navigate that too. A dismissed or denied DVRO can become part of your defense in any future court proceedings. It can even be used to show a pattern of false accusations. You need to work with counsel to preserve the record and handle the process with legal precision from the start.

Final Word

Domestic Violence Restraining Orders are meant to protect people from real danger. But when used as leverage in a divorce, they can become a legal weapon. If you’ve been served with one, don’t panic, but certainly don’t ignore it.

Get serious. Get strategic. Get a lawyer who knows how to fight this and protect what matters most.

If you're in this situation, schedule a consultation.

Peres Family Law | peresfamilylaw.com

Defense-focused. Father-forward. Results-driven.

Disclaimer: This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Reading this article does not create an attorney-client relationship between you and the author. You should consult with a qualified attorney for advice specific to your individual situation.